you think you've won and then it's all gone
Friday, May 02, 2014
To put no effort in saying what I really want to, I come here. It's not that I need kudos or recognition or even the fact of knowing that it's about me. It's just that when you start with taking the opportunity in knowing someone and learn what's important to them, you either naturally build on that out of respect for your partnership, or you use it to your advantage to destroy them bit by bit. I believe that I'm the type of person who tries to at least keep a balance because we all have the ability to harm others even when it's unintentional. I don't make things that happen about me anymore, so, it won't work the same way it used to. I'll just keep going and do what I see is best in the long run because really, that's all anyone is doing.
Sunday, April 27, 2014
Jury duty for me tomorrow. I'm so-not-excited. Kirk's Mom will be going with me at least the first day because I'm terribly nervous. Not because of the court process but because of the district you have to visit to attend. I will be glad when it's over.
sweet treats, cupcake edition
Saturday, April 26, 2014
I don't think I'll ever lose my love of baking cupcakes. There is just something about the whole process that comforts me. It's odd that my desire to bake seemed to come on so suddenly. The only bad thing about it is that it has done a number on my healthy eating... well, up until recently. Last month, I reluctantly
went to the doctor for a sinus infection and after a round of six medications, the end result was a serious case of acid reflux and now we're looking at even more medication if I have a bacterial infection. I'm hoping the test comes back negative and I can get it under control with diet. So far, I've been willing to slack off on sweet treats and burgers and all fried foods until I get back to normal where it feels comfortable to eat anything again. But then, I baked cupcakes for my little neighbor who's having a birthday this weekend and had a taste of one! Not too bad, on either part. I didn't get ill which makes me happy because I couldn't imagine having the ability to bake these super fun sweet treats and not being able to enjoy them myself.
don't count the miles, count the i love yous
Monday, December 30, 2013
I can't believe it's already nearing the year mark. How did I make it this long without you?
Monday, October 21, 2013
In the silence and still is when I realize what I'm missing most in life. Who would hear my words if you were gone? There's a comfort in just knowing you could be in the next room. I walk in circles realizing that it's been quite awhile since I've last walked towards you and yet, I hesitate in fear. I've got to be more brave and count my blessings, not forgetting what I've got.
bittersweet numbers and words
Friday, October 18, 2013
Counting numbers point by point. Trying to build it up to at least the thirties. Didn't know this before yesterday, well, I did, but it wasn't in the forefront. I'm in the twenties and the rest are in the teens. Yet another way I am different. Sometimes I wonder why things are so certain for me in this way and so scattered elsewhere. I talk more than I can control. My intentions are always to just say what needs to be said. There is so much time wasted on random words and phrases but the randomness is just who I am. I still cry when I'm alone and I'm thinking of my Dad. Standing at the file cabinet yesterday, I closed it and thought, my Dad isn't supposed to be gone right now. I'm still supposed to be arguing with him about things. He's still supposed to be teaching me something. Anything.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
I wonder what makes us so different than the rest. Not complaining, just curious. I often notice the little things I had been taking for granted and thank God that I didn't lose them before I got the chance to give thanks. Life is so short and I see so many wasting it away. It's a teaching, though. It reminds me. And the reminders are a blessing.
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
22 days, 3 hours, 22 minutes & 09 seconds until summer vacation... I'm hoping all goes well with Kirk's doctor's visit on the 23rd so we can put his health scare past us and move forward with a stress free vacation.
it's not always black and white
Friday, June 21, 2013
Sometimes, I get really disappointed in the person I've become even though there are far better things I've done than I could have ever expected.
Friday, May 17, 2013
Yesterday would have been my Father's 68th birthday. It is still such a loneliness without him here. In speaking with one of my sisters last weekend, I was told that different items from my Dad's home, that have been in his possession for years, are being sold over the internet or at pawn shops to the highest bidder. These are items that were given away in good faith. My Father did not have much of anything to his name, so the few things he had meant a lot to him. I cannot express how utterly saddened this makes me and to keep from completely losing it, I have to continually remind myself that there is absolutely no way I can protect everything he had. For myself, I kept a few mementos that I know meant a lot to him and I will always cherish them. It's just incomprehensible how people can be so disrespectful and heartless.